


when I have no kind words left

by moss_time



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sih 38 spoilers, i guess, its an attempt, set like some time after the events of this ep but before the rest of the party is back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 00:50:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20001256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moss_time/pseuds/moss_time
Summary: A short conversation during one restless night at the University.





	when I have no kind words left

Unsurprisingly, the Last University is a mess long after Samot's death. Some might say they've won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Ephrim is almost too shocked and tired to try and do anything to help. Almost. 

He doesn't see Fero until a few days later, one night when he's already in his bed, trying and failing to fall asleep. The pain that is now spreading from his hand to his neck is almost just a background feeling that he's hoping he can learn to ignore. He doesn't have the strength or time to even start thinking about how to deal with _that_ issue. 

There is a bird standing on the window sill, and he knows Fero when he sees him. He can't remember why he left the window open. It's just one more unconscious decision in the blurr of the last days, but a one he doesn't regret at least.

Ephrim doesn't say a thing and a bird stays a bird on the window sill and for a second he thinks that maybe he's wrong and its just a bird, maybe he needs sleep more than he thought. But just as he has that thought the bird turns into a halfling and Fero is standing in his room, looking between him and the window with uncertainty. Ephrim sits up.

“I wasn't sleeping,” he says, more to simply say something and break the deafening silence than anything else. Fero doesn't respond at first, then simply nods, the movement just barely visible. There is an unusual stiffness to him that Ephrim isn't used to. Of all things Fero is this isn't one of them. “Did you need something?”

He winces internally at how that sounded. Almost demanding, too professional and exactly the opposite of how he wanted to sound. It's been a long few days of acting simply as a lord, trying to piece together a plan with Corsica and assure others that things will fall into place when he himself isn't sure of it. 

“No,” he notices Fero's hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly. “I don't know. I'll leave.”

“That's not what I meant,” Ephrim adds quickly. Talking, which is usually his speciality, takes too much effort. Words don't feel right in his mouth. But he'd rather not be alone right now, so he tries to push through it. “I'm sorry.”

Fero seems conflicted, unsure enough that he hasn't left yet as Ephrim expected him to, but he doesn't do much else either. Ephrim hopes he'll say something, anything, because he's too tired for words. But he guesses Fero is in a similar situation. He won't force him to talk. 

He lays back down and shuts his eyes, tries to concentrate on the sound of the wind outside instead of the dull pain shooting through his arm. 

It's quiet for a while, except for the whisper of wind and crickets, and he hears Fero murmur. “I don't know what I'm doing here.”

Ephrim isn't sure if he means in his room, or the University, or something else entirely, but it doesn't matter. It would be the same answer anyway. “I'm glad you're here.”

There's a quiet sigh and the sound footsteps as he walks closer, he feels the bed dip. He opens his eyes to find Fero sitting at the foot of his bed, staring down at his hands. He keeps knotting his fingers and picking at his nails that look bitten to the point of seeming painful. 

It's too quiet, it feels like they ahve things to talk about, even though neither of them seems to want to talk. Exhausted, Ephrim stares at the ceiling and tries to find any words and comes up with nothing. He turns around and curls at his side. 

If he's honest to himself, there isn't a specific topic he thinks they need to discuss, he has no questions, he just hopes that Fero will say something, joke or complain as he usually does, something they're both familiar with. But it all seems so distant now. When Fero does speak up it's not something Ephrim knows how to respond to well. 

“That–This isn't what I wanted,” he says. 

It takes him a moment to process what was said to him and then put together a sentence, and speaking still feels like a chore. “What is it you want?”

“To go home,” his voice sound small when he says it and Ephrim hates it, it doesn't sound right, not from Fero. “But I don't think I know where that is anymore.”

The word alone makes Ephrim's chest clench. Home has always been a weird concept to him, one many people seemed to take for granted and yet the one he never felt like he could claim he has. He can understand the feeling, even if he can't find a way to express it. 

He scoots aside. “Hey.” 

Fero looks up to him and seems to get the message. He doesn't protest, there's no remark that Ephrim maybe hoped he'd hear, just to know things aren't as bad. But at least he hasn't just left. 

Quietly, Fero climbs up the bed, closer, until he's right next to Ephrim, back to back. He's close enough so he feels him breathing. There's an unexpected comfort to it. 

The last few days felt more like a dream than reality, not even a bad dream, just a surreal, hectic one. Which is funny since he hasn't been sleeping, let alone having dreams. Ephrim hasn't spent much time with anyone except Corsica and his retainers, hasn't had time to talk to anyone who isn't asking him for solutions. It is nice, being with someone who isn't asking anything of him.

Not really thinking about it, Ephrim turns around and carefully puts an arm around Fero. When he's sure it wasn't the wrong thing to do he tightens the grip. Fero seems so small lying here next to him, which is not the way he's ever thought about him before, and he hopes he doesn't have to get used to it. 

“We'll figure it out,” Ephrim says, the words coming out barely a whisper. He's not sure who is he trying to comfort here. It doesn't seem to work too well for either of them. 

Fero doesn't respond. Enough time passes that Ephrim has almost forgotten he said anything when he feels a hand gripping his, feels Fero move a bit closer. It's something. It's more than he could have asked for. 

He leans his head on Fero's back and closes his eyes, relaxing to the smell of the forest around him. Just barely, he manages to get some rest before sunrise. Outside, the world changes as people cling to what is left of the one they knew. 

**Author's Note:**

> im @moss_time on twitter, ty for reading💛


End file.
